Today I will try to inspire because I feel a little inspired. The truth is right now I have nothing, I have hit rock bottom. I lost my really good job first, then came the apartment, my vehicle, and most of my pride. I am now misplaced at my Moms house in my childhood room with my Fiancee and our three wonderful kids. I have no money nor am I making any so I am in no good position to say it gets better.
BUT IT DOES. I can also honestly tell you that I have it all. I have a wonderful girl that, despite my many flaws, truly loves me and means well. I have three happy kids who don’t really know what is going on right now because they are too young too understand. I have an understanding Mother who is pushing me through this not letting me fall. I have been in way worse situations before. I lived in Iraq for a year, and there was a War going on… And now that you mention it I was fighting in it. Now I have a roof over my head, check. I have people who love me, check. I have food, check. No one is trying to kill me, check. No grenades, IED’s, dead buddies, or hate, CHECK!!! What is so wrong with my life again? Not many people care about my situation but that’s fine I’ll stop caring about them. I’ll help myself by helping others, I don’t want help from anyone anymore. I want to be known by no one I used to know, and known to everyone else, if that makes any sense.
There was never a time where I thought “this is the end”. I have had a grenade roll past my leg and not go off, I have a had a grenade detonate 10 ft in front of me but I never thought it was the end. Today is not the day either and I don’t think it will be for awhile. I can’t wait for the world to change, I have to change myself rather. At least the way I think will have to change. I think about my friends who took their life, I think about anyone who has taken their life and I wonder why? A lot of people including myself have asked why? Why me? I often think why is this happening BUT in the grand scheme of things Why never solves anything but problems of our own satisfaction. The better questions are what and who. What can I do? What am I going do? Who is there for me? Who have I helped? Who can I help? Life is not gonna wait for me to pick myself back up. Life didn’t stop here in America because I went to fight a War. “things change Mox, people change” It’s about that time though, huh? Check your facebook, your e-mail, steal a kiss from someone you love but NEVER take it for granted. We are alive and we should plan on being so for awhile so let’s make it the one we want and help ourselves by helping others. Be inspired and inspire others. This will be a better year./Nothing Follows/