No one thing defines us, am I right? I know that I have a very opinionated blog about people and whatever but the fact is I really am just disappointed with myself. I started this blog to help me cope with a very stressful time in my 28 years of life so far. I saw combat for the first time when I just turned 20 and had many other firsts from then.
Until last night I thought that I had felt it all, that life was pretty much over for me. I thought that life had lost it’s taste, it’s flavor. “Life has a certain flavor for those who have fought and risked all that the sheltered and protected can never experience”. John Stuart Mill
Now about last night, I have the most beautiful little baby girl. She is so amazing at only a year and half. (I don’t do months for baby age) She has beautiful curly auburn hair and she saved my life. She made me the more gentler, kinder, softer SGT Dave, my alter ego. So last night as I was getting ready for bed in my childhood room, getting the kids laid down, my baby girl starts screaming and crying. I look at her and something has flown quickly to the ground away from her. So many thoughts racing through my mind already, maybe a roach, she got startled. To my surprise I see the culprit on the floor, A FUCKIN BEE! Sorry but that was my exact thought. All this in a span of 1 to 2 seconds, I look to my beautiful Aurora and she is still screaming and looking at her fragile, innocent little finger. My beautiful fiancee sees the stinger and immediately takes it out. I am terrified in horror, I am more afraid than I have ever been in my life. My baby girl is in so much pain and I can do nothing. I am useless to her, I grab her right away and do all I can do. I hug her tight and tell her “It’s gonna be okay baby girl, it’s okay my beautiful baby.” Over and over I repeat this and she calms down but inside I am breaking. My Fiancee sees it in my eyes I am crying. In this moment I just want to take my baby’s pain away and make it my own. I want her to be okay, I want her to laugh and smile again. I know it’s just a bee sting and she will be okay. As a matter of fact not five minutes later was she okay and sucking it up like a trooper. This morning she woke up happy as a Jay Bird. Point: I need to be around to protect my baby girl, I want her to have good life. I know a enough girls to know that it is hard to be a girl and okay. I will kill a bee or anything else for her and I’d rather give my life to her than take it from myself. She is my hope, my heart, she is the good part of me I still have left and I will protect her until the day I die and even then.
But it got me thinking… I used to be a lot of things but I never used to hate people. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. The Bible. I believe in the bible when it says Jesus told us all to love each other. I can’t be bitter anymore. I am who I am today and that’s what matters. Everyday still brings new experiences good and bad. Everyone is not like me but for the few that are. It’s all worth it, I have had people pay for my dinner or buy me a drink before, mostly old vets out of respect. Being a soldier is what got me a really hott beautiful fiancee in the first place. I’ve said it once and you’ll hear me say it again, It can’t rain all the time. One day soon, I don’t know when, but in one day mark my words everything will get better. I only learn to appreciate everything I have more with each thing I lose, I gain way more.