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Hey bro…

I miss y’all. How have you been? How is the family? I know we haven’t talked in awhile, I have been off the grid.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.  I feel like we haven’t spoken in years, well I mean it’s just about there isn’t it.  I know… Well I know that you told me that I should call anytime but…

Ok, that’s great… Well me? I am fine.  Sucking it up, ya know? Well the truth is that it’s bothering me alot bro.  I can’t get this movie out of my head.  I know I was there, I know what I saw and what I did, but a big part of me doesn’t get it.  WERE we really there? Why can’t I get over this.  I wasn’t scared then. Remember that time we thought that guy was dead so we just through him under all the other bodies?(chuckle) Yeah, me too it was so funny back then… But now.  I don’t know, I mean you are right it was a different world.  Remember the time they taped the grenade inside a coke can to the little boys hand… Yeah, I don’t wanna remember that either… I miss you ya know… It was just all of us ya know? In the end it sucked and we were a thousand miles away from a friendly smile, a hand to hold, or a warm body to love, but we had each other.  We were in the worst place in our lives, the bullets flying over our heads at the salt piles, the retarded combat roll you tried.  I thought I was gonna die but I still laughed.  Despite it all we made it out alive, but sometimes I think some of me stayed there.

I don’t get it bro… You don’t either… I know but what do we do? I just wanna be normal bro.  I miss you.  The government should just get all of us PTSD vets, put us on a reservation, and put us out to pasture, leave us to our own devices with our family.  We could hang out all the time just like the good ol days when we used to drink 24/7.  Yeah those were good times. 

I wish I had the guts to call you.  I wish I could get back on facebook and tell you how I am doing.  But I don’t think I am ready yet.  I am not the brave squad leader I once was.  I am not the first guy out of the Bradley anymore. I am not the point man on all those raids anymore. I have a family now and the world just frightens the hell out of me.  I miss all the ones we lost… I hate all the anniversaries, the fuckin anniversaries that are coming up… They’re always coming up it seems.  To think I was trying to keep it together for 2 years and now I am here.  What would you think of me?  I don’t want to be another friend you have to find out isn’t here anymore in a newspaper.  I hope you’re doing okay though man. I miss all of you./Nothing Follows/

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About soldierspoem11b

I am a Father. I am 32 until March. (at which time I will update this) I am an Infantryman. I have seen War. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I love the Walking Dead. I am on mission to find out who I am.

2 responses to “Hey bro…

  1. Someday you’ll call him and you’ll say ‘Hello’. You’ll just say ‘Hello’ and it’ll be the most important word you’ve ever said in your life. Someday you will. But for now, you just need to work towards that day and look after yourself in the present. I know you can do it, because somehow I’m doing it. And you know what? You were right; I’m you and you’re me and we’re everyone else trapped inside the craziness of this recovering mind. But that’s the thing, we ARE recovering. We WILL recover. We CAN do this. I’m here, anytime you need someone, just like I know you’re there for me. Just like we’re all here for each other. Keep going. Stay strong.

  2. I called one of them… Just one… This post is about 30 to 40 of my closest buddies, my brothers in arms. So it was good and bad… A lot of mixed emotions. It was one of my old soldiers who got out before me but stayed in the reserves. So I call him because I wanted to make sure he was okay and ya know… It kinda made me more depressed because he is going through some stuff and he’s also getting deployed to Afghanistan in March… I waited too long to call. I was so fucking selfish about my problems and he’s one of many who is struggling. Are we all losing it, my whole family… This should be another blog another day. Just thought anyone who wanted to know, I decided I should stop worrying about who I used to be, and be the Best Me I can be NOW. I am starting off on the wrong foot but I’ll get there. Facing one fear at a time. I too still take things for granted like my brothers being on the others side of that phone./Nothing Follows/

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