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With a Weak Whisper I Will Wilt Away…

Things are getting better y’all, or are they?  What is it that we need to make us happy?  I have had a couple of weeks let me tell you, seriously let me tell you.  First off I want to say that I know if I will be keeping this blog anymore,  while it has been helping me I feel like it may be a ruse.  I have been through a lot for someone of 28.  Of course my trials and tribulations started when I served my country and some of you have had this problem your whole life.  The truth is no matter who I was or who I want to be, I will always just be ME… Things are constantly changing everyday, you think you have a plan.  You think that plan will go accordingly, but we all usually forget the Life factor.  Life happens and our plans are turned upside down and we are forced to change.  I feel like I have been cheated because I found that it doesn’t matter what plan I have or where I want go, this is real life and it controls us.  We can’t choose the parents we are born to, we can’t change the boss we get at work or even the people we work with.  They all just come into our life and change everything we thought we knew about what we were doing.  We can’t change stupid things like a freak accident closing my bank account out.  I know things don’t always go right but right now I swear my name should be Murphey.  What ever could have gone wrong did go wrong.

Things are getting better though, I swear.  But where does that leave me?  I am going to start college in a month to get my business degree.  I have been working out and I am in the best shape I have been in since I left the Army.  I am going to plan on opening my own business.  But I don’t know why I am still sad.  I got a fresh haircut yesterday before I went to the college to apply and it’s a small world.  The woman who cut my hair was in the Army too, she was at the same duty station I was in the same time I was.  We even went to Iraq at the same time.  The only difference is that since she was a woman, she was in a tiny bit safer place than me and didn’t see combat.  But she saw things, she was going through the same thing I was going through.  I just met this woman yesterday and we were talking like we were old friends.  It’s good to know that you’re not crazy, it’s good to know that I wasn’t the only one. But it was different this time, her story was all too familiar about a soldier who lost there life in an unfortunate way.  Heroes to us!  She confessed to me that she feels like crying all the time and I nodded.  I explained that I felt the same way.

Life. So precious and fragile, yet it’s something we take for granted everyday.  Out of all the known universe we have yet to find any other life forms at all.  To me that is so amazing, the miracle that entails.  You must concede that we are all Miracles. Out of all the planets, out of all the solar systems it was us, just us who are alive now.  A tiny fraction of a whole that has life.  BUT NOWHERE ELSE! Life is a miracle that currently only last between 1 and 100 or so.  So many beautiful things in this world that we take for granted like the green grass or blue sky.  There isn’t much green in Iraq and the sky is a smokey grey.  So I have decided that it is time for another change as I am EVERCHANGING. I want to help people, I want to go into business and help people live life. Not a life coach or anything weird like that, a simple family business to bring back the American Dream.  We all need a change.  My Squad Leader once told me “Dave, if you want to bitch about something, you can either stick around long enough to change it or get out.”  Well this isn’t the Army but I want to change it.  I didn’t start this blog to bitch. I want to change the world one free thinker at a time. I want everyone to see the world through the eyes of a soldier.  Being a Soldier is about service and sacrifice!  To love something so much you would give your life to it!  To me that is special, I live with the pain and depression of knowing that life isn’t what it seemed and those brothers that I lost would have not wanted to die for this.

I miss you all so much. I will never forget you.  March. Fuckin March, the month of my birthday and the month that we lost 7, FUCKIN SEVEN in one sitting… Seven with families, seven that were my friends, seven that didn’t need to die.  My world is getting better, my life is falling into place.  But in March I remember the families that aren’t going to have their dad this year for Fathers Day.  Why?  I weep endlessly for their children.  My squad leader was one of the best friends of the ones we lost.  He knew their kids well, he cried at the funeral service we had in Iraq.  One of the strongest leaders and men I know, my hero who taught me everything was crying.  We all have one special battle buddy.  Our best friend that is like our own brother… SSG Prater was his best friend and he broke on the podium.  The kids were young then, as old as my kids are now, around 3 and 4… If I lost my kids… I don’t feel like being inspiring today. Just remember next time you want to cry or bitch, there are a lot of good men who gave their lives, who will never see there family again.  AND their families will never see them again either.  Orphans of War… Damn You America, take it for granted. I know you will BUT mark my words one day there might not be a military anymore who wants to WILLINGLY fight your selfish freedom. /Nothing Follows/

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About soldierspoem11b

I am a Father. I am 32 until March. (at which time I will update this) I am an Infantryman. I have seen War. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I love the Walking Dead. I am on mission to find out who I am.

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