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The Good, The Bad… The UnKnowN

You can’t expect everything to be perfect.  The cold hard truth for some us it seems.  I don’t know if I would say that makes me a perfectionist or not, I do want things to be perfect but I don’t push it on anyone.  The point I am trying to get at is that I know that I may have some of these major problems, but I can still say that there is a lot that is going right with my life.  I don’t want to explain in detail what I do have more than I have a place of my own now and my family is taken care of.  As for me, today was actually a pretty good day and these are the days I want to write on.  It can rain all the time and today it isn’t raining.

Despite the fact that I passed out on the couch this morning and missed school, I actually had a really good deep sleep, a lot of scary but adventurous dreams.  I was across the pond again as usual or maybe not but the same situations and this time I was actually enjoying myself.  I guess that was the precursor to my day because I woke up and could think of only one persons voice. I was thinking of my new guidance counselor when I first met her, she said “I know whats important”.  She is a very nice woman, blonde and loud just like my Fiancee who got along really well.  She is also a Christian and said that she had felt like she was put in our path for a reason(My Fiancee and I).

So I woke up around 1100 and I thought about that, I wasn’t so stressed about the details.  I stood back and realized that it’s not perfect and that’s okay.  I started cleaning my apartment, deep cleaning it and then I worked out for a couple of hours which leads me to here where I just had to let you know.  I feel alone and maybe because of what I have gone through it may always feel that way, but once again that’s okay.  I hate to be a hypocrite and accept these things that I never wanted to accept but if I learned one thing as an Infantryman it’s how to walk away from a fight.  It’s not about being a bad ass or coward, it’s about collateral damage.  No one thinks about all the things you stand to lose.  I don’t want to hurt my family because I want to win my own personal War in my mind.

I will learn to adapt, I will learn to overcome because that’s what I was trained to do and that’s what I strive to do.  This life of ours is not over, not by a long shot and I can’t, we can’t keep looking over our shoulder because we’ll miss what’s right in front of us.  I write these blogs after much deliberation in my everchanging mind about the title of what I want to write about.  In other words, I forget really fast what I want to convey so I actually try to summarize my whole thought in the title.  So I mentioned the good.

The Bad is I still feel alone.

And the UnKnoWn…

Well I don’t know whats next, I can’t foresee how long I can hold this bright outlook on life.  I really would like to be happy.  I don’t want to talk about the unknown because well I don’t want to lose this feeling. God forbid I am Bi-Polar, in that case it would just give me a chance to write two blogs instead of one. Twice the me at half the price. Right… So yeah, I’ll take the good with the bad.  March is over and I feel like everything will be okay, even if just for a moment, I’ll take it. THANK YOU GOD! I may not understand everything that happens or why it happens but for this I am grateful./Nothing Follows/


About soldierspoem11b

I am a Father. I am 32 until March. (at which time I will update this) I am an Infantryman. I have seen War. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I love the Walking Dead. I am on mission to find out who I am.

3 responses to “The Good, The Bad… The UnKnowN

  1. Hey friend …..ive been wondering about you……my grandmother passed away she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last august…..i miss her more than I miss well anything….i thought my heart couldnt hurt anymore than it had ever i was in southeat texas Beaumont Tx for almost two weeks ….this feeling well im pretty good with undering them but this has got me hung… yeah ive been wondering about you….wondering what you are up to…if you are feeling alone….if you are feeling at all…..if you drop off and weren’t blogging anymore….I was hoping you were still around rather perfect(i think thats boring) or not I wished for you to be “here” sounding out your thoughts/emotions/feelings on here…..cry cry cry…..nothing is for sure….nothing last forever…..but we have each moment…..see and watch your breathe….thats what i do but what do i know…..anyways…im always here….i came back home from texas and I am sitting here in Minnesota wishing for the heat and my Papa(grandfather/father) hes my rock he was in vietnam….so yeah I feel like him and i are the only ones that are experiences this great loss from the world(my Nana) ….i sound bi-polar …i really think its just my thoughts spitting out on comment …which has turned into something that makes sense to me maybe you too…..glad you are still here….my heart would ache….anyways (again) let me know when your around maybe we can exchange emails or something…..for now here are my random thoughts ….

    All for love-

    • I am so sorry I have taken so long to reply. I am honestly working on something big right now. I am trying to find purpose like all of us are and this wordpress might be a window or a door, or a door leading to a window. I haven’t been able to write anything because my mind is a little more scrambled then usual but nothing to worry about. Thank you for your concern and words. All I can say is “We keep living”. It gets hard but then it gets harder but its a gift and we gotta keep going, share your life with everyone. Things get better, yeah but it’s the fight that can be rewarding sometimes. Thanks again. /Nothing Follows/

    • I’m doing okay thank you. I’ve been thinking of you to hope your okay

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