You can’t expect everything to be perfect. The cold hard truth for some us it seems. I don’t know if I would say that makes me a perfectionist or not, I do want things to be perfect but I don’t push it on anyone. The point I am trying to get at is that I know that I may have some of these major problems, but I can still say that there is a lot that is going right with my life. I don’t want to explain in detail what I do have more than I have a place of my own now and my family is taken care of. As for me, today was actually a pretty good day and these are the days I want to write on. It can rain all the time and today it isn’t raining.
Despite the fact that I passed out on the couch this morning and missed school, I actually had a really good deep sleep, a lot of scary but adventurous dreams. I was across the pond again as usual or maybe not but the same situations and this time I was actually enjoying myself. I guess that was the precursor to my day because I woke up and could think of only one persons voice. I was thinking of my new guidance counselor when I first met her, she said “I know whats important”. She is a very nice woman, blonde and loud just like my Fiancee who got along really well. She is also a Christian and said that she had felt like she was put in our path for a reason(My Fiancee and I).
So I woke up around 1100 and I thought about that, I wasn’t so stressed about the details. I stood back and realized that it’s not perfect and that’s okay. I started cleaning my apartment, deep cleaning it and then I worked out for a couple of hours which leads me to here where I just had to let you know. I feel alone and maybe because of what I have gone through it may always feel that way, but once again that’s okay. I hate to be a hypocrite and accept these things that I never wanted to accept but if I learned one thing as an Infantryman it’s how to walk away from a fight. It’s not about being a bad ass or coward, it’s about collateral damage. No one thinks about all the things you stand to lose. I don’t want to hurt my family because I want to win my own personal War in my mind.
I will learn to adapt, I will learn to overcome because that’s what I was trained to do and that’s what I strive to do. This life of ours is not over, not by a long shot and I can’t, we can’t keep looking over our shoulder because we’ll miss what’s right in front of us. I write these blogs after much deliberation in my everchanging mind about the title of what I want to write about. In other words, I forget really fast what I want to convey so I actually try to summarize my whole thought in the title. So I mentioned the good.
The Bad is I still feel alone.
And the UnKnoWn…
Well I don’t know whats next, I can’t foresee how long I can hold this bright outlook on life. I really would like to be happy. I don’t want to talk about the unknown because well I don’t want to lose this feeling. God forbid I am Bi-Polar, in that case it would just give me a chance to write two blogs instead of one. Twice the me at half the price. Right… So yeah, I’ll take the good with the bad. March is over and I feel like everything will be okay, even if just for a moment, I’ll take it. THANK YOU GOD! I may not understand everything that happens or why it happens but for this I am grateful./Nothing Follows/