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A Glimpse of Hurt

It’s present day 2015 and after a year of living in a fog of confusion. I feel as though I have opened my eyes and the fog isn’t so thick anymore. I have completed a psycho social rehabilitation program at the VA, I have completed an 8 week 16 hour course on parenting, I have attended drug rehab programs even though I am not addicted to drugs. I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist on a regular basis but despite it all I am no closer to getting my kids back to me.
     I have a nice apartment on the nice side of town, I make more than enough money now to give my children everything they need and want. I raised them respectful, to say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, thank you, and please. They are polite and well mannered and cute. They were happy in our care, they loved our family together watching television on the living room together, going out to eat together, or to the duck pond. We were the family that brought the party with four children in my “fire team”.
       It’s been months since I’ve seen my children for more than an hour. I saw my 5 month old baby yesterday and he doesn’t even recognize me. He looks like me I, bonded with him for the first month before they ripped him from us. I know our kids must be so upset with us. There are so many people that root for us despite what the system feeds them. My kids have known me as a father that hugs them everyday plays with them any chance I get. Icould go on and on about how our family was a loving caring one despite my illness. My wife and I are in an endless daze drifting through the space that fills our long drawn out weeks, months…
     A year now we have been prisoners of our society’s broken system. There is no true freedom. The only abuse my kids suffer now is the trauma of being ripped from there parents, ripped from there new born baby brother.
     I have no criminal history, never been convicted of a crime. I’m just a veteran, a boy who at 17 signed up for the Army to serve and protect my country who went to combat twice for two and a half years across the pond and know had PTSD. Don’t be misunderstood readers. The reason this happened is because my wife called the suicide prevention hotline to get me help and they notified Child Protective Services. The case worker was young, inexperienced, and for no apparent reason took the children from our care a week later after I had admitted myself inpatient and received proper care for an isolated incident.
     I don’t want to draw too many tangents. I needed to vent because I love my kids and I know that after a long hard road that ends in April my family will be reunited. There are many pieces to this unspeakable story I must write so that I can keep my self grounded and realize that my life is my own and these people have tried to break me so hard, and for awhile they had. They had me doubt myself and made me think that because I had PTSD I would never be a good father. PTSD is not easy but it’s not a problem for me to be a loving father especially when I never had one. I love my children and I live for them. I thought I wanted to be a soldier when I grew up and I did it but when I became I father I knew what my purpose in life was. I was to have a family and teach them to love each other and be there for each other always. Something my family never learned my mother and brothers are out for themselves and only talk to me if I have something for them. I want my family back and though they try to break me everyday, I will continue to fight for my beautiful children. All I can do is push through the pain day by day concentrating on the positives knowing this won’t last forever, I’ll have my family./Nothing Follows

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About soldierspoem11b

I am a Father. I am 32 until March. (at which time I will update this) I am an Infantryman. I have seen War. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I love the Walking Dead. I am on mission to find out who I am.

One response to “A Glimpse of Hurt

  1. jerryrscuba ⋅

    The end is in site. Hang in there.

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